an unreasonable woman

i have been one of the women in the show.between the ages of 20-27/28 ish, i had sex with countless men that i've lost count off. with or without protection.some of them i never knew their last names, where they lived and what they liked about themselves. they never knew much about me either. what i liked to eat. whether i liked showers or baths. & what i found most funny on television. in those eight years, i loathed everything about myself. & from this meaningless fucks, i hoped to derive some affection of some sorts. i thought of myself as a raging nymphomania, but the truth of the matter was i didnt think anything wonderful about myself. there was a thrill about the search, i'd met a guy and within a couple of seconds sieze him up as a potiential lover. it was a wham bam thank you, dont call me, i'll call you senario. between the zipless fucks, there were months when i'd be involved with a boyfriend & at those times i would be monogamous and try to be a typical normal person. it's only when things went down hill that id jump back to this old way of doing things. the last seven months have been my trial on fire. that irrespective of the craziness of the last relationship, i haven't gone back to my old life. i dont think its because i've become better. i am a very sexual being with a high libido. i think its more of re-learning impulse control and knowing the things that trigger this. and, looking forward to better things.

posted by nehanda at 10:25 AM